Just Me

Sex lives, that is.  I have a particular topic that I’ve seen around both online, on TV, or even in books and magazines that I would like to discuss to see what my readers think of it.

Sex is awesome.  Sex is fabulous.  And in my opinion, sex is very important in a good relationship.  Sure, it may change over the years of being married.  And yes, it isn’t the most important thing that keeps a relationship going.  But to what degree is satisfying sex a deal breaker in a relationship?  At what point would you stray?

Here are some questions about this topic (I’ll give my answers below):

• If your sex life started to go downhill in either quantity or quality, would you be open with your partner?
• Would you make suggestions or try new things if something wasn’t working?
• Would you look to another person for sexual gratification?
• What would you say if your partner came to you and gave you a free pass to have sex with another person?
• Would ’swinging’ or casual sex be an option for spicing up the sex life?
• If so, what types of rules or arrangement would you have?
• Does seeking satisfying sex elsewhere with the permission of your partner equal cheating?
• What would you do if you and your partner could not have sex again?  (traditional sex is what I mean, like either one of you would not be able to orgasm or whatever.)

This stuff happens, folks.  I don’t think it gets talked about very often but maybe it should.  I see it around and wonder if it really is as normal as it seems.

Here are my thoughts on the matter.

If our sex life started to go downhill or it just plain sucked, I would definitely be open about it with Daniel.  I truly believe that sex can be fixed especially if you’ve been together awhile.  I would want to know if there was something I could do or if he was having problems.  I think that sometimes sexual issues can be mental.  I know that when I am feeling particularly down on myself, sex is not as much fun.  I think that introducing toys to a sex life can be a way to toss it up a bit, add some spice, or take the pressure of one partner.  I know I love having toys.  We don’t use them every time but they are fun to have handy.

I do not feel that I would look for sex elsewhere if our sex life just plain ‘ol sucked.  But for me, sex is more than the just they physical feelings.  I crave the intimacy and the love behind it.  If I just need to get off, I have toys for that.  And if Daniel gave me a ‘free pass’ I would have to say no.  I just couldn’t do it.  When things like that happen, I think a door is opened where mistrust or suspicions can creep in.  Swinging or casual sex is not an option for us.  Even with a partner’s permission, I think it could be a form of cheating because you are sharing your body with someone else.

If something happened and one of us were broken, I think we would have to find creative ways to have sex.  But I still don’t think I’d look for sex elsewhere and I’m fairly certain I couldn’t think of him with another woman.

I know some people have arrangements that work for them.  Maybe I am a bit narrow-minded on the subject.  All that I can say is that FOR ME, I only want to have sex with my husband.  He once asked me if I look at other men and wonder how they’d be in bed.  For the most part, I don’t.  Every so often I may see  a man roll out of a big ‘ol Ford and he has big muscles and that smirk that makes me melt and I might think, “hmm, that could be nice.”  But that’s that.  When I think about sex, it usually involves my own husband.

So, let me know what you think.  You can leave your answers anonymously if you’d like.  I’m just curious what other people think about this.  I know what ‘popular culture’ thinks but I don’t know if that is a true representation on things.